“Why?”

“I don’t know”

“Is it me?”

“I think so”

“Why me?”

“I cannot answer”

 

“But I loved you”

“I think I knew that”

“Did you love me too?”

“It seems so”

 

“Why?”

“I really do not know”

“Isn’t this also with you?”

“Probably… Yes”

“Why her?”

“She’s nice”

“Am I not?”

“Not as much, I think”

 

“Why her, not me?”

“She gave me her all”

“Did I not?”

“Yes.”

“Did I not gave you my all when I gave you my heart?”

“…”

 

“Do you need to be with her because of this?”

“Yes”

“Can it really not be me?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“No. sorry”

Apparently, people really drink in those places. Well, it's supposed to be a place for socialization. And socialization doesn't seem fun there if there aren't any flowing drinks.

But apparently socialization isn't a call for hard drunken drinking. No. Just light sips of drinks that you can handle and still not feel light-headed. Yes there are still measures of control over flowing drinks. People come to the place to socialize, not lose their selves over alcohol.

And yet, there a still people who do get drunk. You cannot blame them much; they socialized too much that they weren't able to measure their limits of how much to drink. Yes, it might be their fault, but still, it's just their way of showing fun.

Well at least that's how i wish to see it.... I think.

And on my first visit to Cantina, this is what happened.

My friend Joe treated the group a bucket of beer, a mix of Red Horse and San Mig Light, and some iced tea and burritos for me (because i do not drink. seriously) and guess what. someone got drunk.

No, not with the stronger beer, it's the light one. Yeah. after 2 bottles of San Mig Light, our groupmate's fallen. Literally. Ch'yeah. It was really funny. Apparently, she was not really much of a drinker. And yet she drank her glass straight when our other groupmate, AJ, was teasing her. And it got her big time. Good thing she did not throw up, almost though but thank goodness she didn't, but we still had to wait for long before she got at least sober.

And by the time we need to go to the LRT station, it was a panicky experience, for me at least. she was swaying! and it was freaky that she was crossing the streets without care.

The worse part, she claims she was sober already. But she was still tipsy. I wonder how was her travel home. And yet I don't want to imagine her travelling. It was my first time to see someone get drunk. And it's shocking to see that it'll be on 2 bottles of light beer. Man, even for someone like me who doesn't drink, that doesn't seem too hard, isn't it?And yet, it proved that it is still alcohol, there is still a possibility of being drunk.

I just didn't expect that much.

And no, i am not exagerrating. she did get drunk with just that amount of alcohol. For someone like me, a first timer, it wasn't that much of a good experience actually.

So the lesson here? Do not try and go socialize in those kind of places if you do not have a strong willpower not to drink, or of how much you can drink. Yeah, what happened freaked me out.

But good thing, I can socialize still. haha. oh well, thanks for the reason of allegies that made me safe to come socialize and not drink. haha :P

no, i wasn't run on by a bus. i thought. but it never happened. i did not get too depressed to wander and cross Katipunan absentmindedly. so sorry, death did not take me as i have predicted.

well the arrows of truth hurt me, but oh well, i had my soft shield so i was not hurt much; i expected him to say that, it ached, but not much. it was worth it to come prepared after all.

the fault that maybe hurt me then, was when i removed my  shield. i thought the battle was over, i thought the truth had won. my ammunition of love was not enough.

i was wounded. by the dagger of fact. no not in the battle. but behind that, behind with the person whom was supposedly my ally. and yet his dagger stabbed me. in the heart of sorrow. where the most fragile part of my existence lie. it constricted. as if shrinking into a shriveling bean, it felt as if i can never breathe again. comfort comes to rescue. but it brought together shaking. unnecessary shaking, involuntary shaking. i was dying. i cannot breathe. no one was there to rescue me.

but there came light. i was saved. i felt relief coming in to save me.

lo and behold, i faced a near death experience.

no, this is not as metaphorical as i made it appear to be. heart failures can be fatal. what happened to me was perhaps the most frightening experience i felt.

shempre naisip ko to bigla.

kanina kasi naglalakad ako sa may caf, may nakita ako na gumagawa sila parang amazing race type na may clues tas hahanapin nila yung mga clues.

akala ko GD pero di yata kasi wala na namang org activities ngayon. kaya naisip ko birthday surprise siya

shucks, naisip ko tuloy ang fun niya gawin

parang may mga stops tas may mga tao. na hahanapin tas may hawak silang clues.. amazing race nga talaga. ang point lang kailangan mahanap mo yung mga tao.

ang fun ng ganung birthday thingy, sa una papahirapan ka tas sa end super surprise kasi ang effort talaga ng gift for you: yung preparation na mismo.

sigh. gusto ko ng ganung thingy. tas parang per stop may hahanapin akong mga tao na may hawak na clues, and the clues are clues that will lead me to the next person, not place talaga. person. shempre kung ako yun, lahat ng clue people, significant sakin, i.e. naging crush ko, or super close friend. basta ganun. tas sa end, yung pinaka last person yung gumawa ng thingy, or maybe the most significant person in my life na lang. haha.

hahaha.. wala lang. shempre nangarap ako. kaya ko nga dito pinost para di sabihing nagpaparinig ako. tago kasi. pero ewan, wishing ako na pwede. haha.. why nots kasi.

o kaya if di sa akin gawin, pwedeng isip na lang ako ng tao na gagawan ko nun, pero wishing pa ako na sa akin gagawin so di ko gagawin.. haha.. waley.

okay natatawa lang ako sa sinusulat ko. wala lang. naaliw much. hehe :P

apparently we weren't informed of the need for 5 copies and an executive summary.
apparently we aren't credited as we wanted.
apparently my teacher sucks.
apparently i am a bad editor, worst groupmate, and a sucky person really...

and apparently because of these reasons... WE ARE SUFFERING FROM MARKETING!!!

why????!!!! but why can't we just live like any other student? why can't we experience this enjoyment with this subject? why does MARKETING need to make our lives living hell??? BUT WHY????

i can't hardly breathe because of running from SOM to leong after cramming our uhm... executive summary... well this is our reason for mediocrity... WE WEREN'T INFORMED!!! i mean crap ma'am because she didn't even tell us that we were to pass that piece of sh*t together with our paper. apparently, SHE ASSUMES we all know it na since we're SOM students... WTF! we're not SOM students. and apparently we cannot be omniscient enough to know what she must have told us and what we need to know by then, right?

and for the sense, i know i suck at writing. so apparently, our summary is not that well edited. I'M SORRY!!! i am such a bad writer. frustrated lang ako. pero hindi writer. especially with business papers, i suck. come on. we know i don't like to stay in this course really. so i have it all half heartedly. i'm sorry. now it's all my fault.

but the whole tragic moments are not MY fault. apparently what's worse is that the department credited our group under a different company!! and we are here, trying our best to defend for Guess while we we were supposed to be under Jansport?!! i mean.. WHERE DID THAT IDEA COME FROM??? we didn't even have Jansport in our minds... WHY??? oh why are we having this loads of trouble??? it really is not a good way of ending a semester... and it makes me feel so much WORSE...

apparently i might just be the FOURTH this sem... or so i think but perhaps i can't count so just disregard the number...

SO CRAP.



segue. the other company's name? Jansport. not really much to say... just... =P

there was once an aspiring writer who wants to become famous. she writes and writes what she feels to write.unfortunate for her though, she is very inexperienced in writing that all her works are just trash. not a single one was worth publishing. yet she treasure what she write and that's what's important for her. and perhaps, the most precious of her art is this story.

this is the story of a girl who dreams, just like her, but is overshadowed by the overpowering envy and pride that surrounds her world.

in the beginning there was this girl, Nami, as she was called, who likes to dance, dance ballet in particular, she is actually a good dancer. but not really that good that she is noticed. well sometimes she is praised, but the praises are meant if she helped empower the greatness of those who are better than her. she is great,,, perhaps the greatest back up for them all. but never the main dancer.

why is she like this? well for one thing, there are really a lot of dancers better than her, no one can argue with that idea. also, she doesn't want to be noticed, she lacks the confidence to be noticed.

well yeah, she might have been noticeable for her peers and get well with them, but they just see her as an ordinary person that is their friend. they have not seen the Nami that is just as great as them and should have excelled as them. well maybe because Nami hasn't shown it either. whenever there's an oppotunity to excel, she'll turn it down and make others been seen rather than her. seems that for her, this is her purpose in the world: be a way for others to excel.

her friends are not really noticeable. but due to Nami's abilities, they seem to shine more than their usual glow. of course, they are thankful, who wouldn't right? but despite their grateful efforts to help Nami succeed, she could always find a way to sulk in the corner of the limelight. it seems Nami had already given up.

not until the day when Nami was transfered to a different ballet class. here, it was expected that she'll be against the walls again. but, it's quite unexpected that here, Nami becomes really interested in success.

how reality bit into Nami?, i don't know. but one thing's certain, there was a boy in that class that made her determined to succeed. a guy named Gierhard.

Gierhard was the best in the class. with such grace and talent he could have been sent to perform in New York's Royal theater. but despite his extraordinary ability to be the best, he never boasted anything. he remained well rooted to the ground that every one simply admire him.

actually, Nami admires this person so much. but admiring him makes her want to be noticed and the only way she sees is to be more than what Gierhard can do. and she'll do everything to get noticed.

but little did she know, that Gierhard actually hides a weakness in him. he might be the best dancer they see. he might have been the perfect person that everyone assumes to be. but he is weak. he admits it. he is weak. when it's the heart that's involved, he melts like butter on a hot pan. he does not know what to do when he falls in love. eventually he hurts himself. though he pretends that he is strong, deep inside him he cries, like a baby longing for his mother. but no one knows this weakness. even he, doesn't want to admit this weakness. only i [the writer] could have known. and so he shows what he could do better than others to hide the pain.

she is an overshadowed swan who wants to be seen...

he is a handsome snail hiding inside his most beautiful shell, afraid to expose his mild body to the air.

now they've met, will they realize their fate,, when can they know that their are destined lovers..

the story was cut short. the writer cannot continue with what she wrote. because she cannot write anymore the continuation. because she cannot help to write more for a story she cannot be sure to end like what she perceive it would. for her, the characters have no real fate yet.

because only one thing is certain, the writer's name is Nami. and this is her story.

I am full of dreams
Dreams of the scenery and the moon
Shining brightly, guiding the good forces of the sea
The wind lulling the people to sleep
I am the dream

I am full of hope
Hope of happy memories and laughter
Happiness through ways of people who matter
With warm hugs to ease the sadness
I am of hope

I am full of love
Love with the smiles and kisses
In the tender caresses of friendship and loyalty
Listening to truthful stories in sharing
I am in love

Yet I am full of pain
Pain that pierces the soul of happiness
Where there is no hope to dream and love
And laughter fades away with distress
Of the I in pain

so... what could i write?

well... maybe i could write happy thoughts... even though i don't have much, i can perhaps share them here... where not everybody can see the me the refuse to believe i am.. hahaha...

perhaps a flow of what i did today might do... heheh...
hmmm... it wasn't really an unusual day..

i went to school even though i don't have classes..
why?... i need to do some stuff for Gabay. oh well.. it's not much.. though i have to wait for long intervals...

good thing i brought my laptop with me... i found some things to do...

aside from sleeping half the day?... hmm... i found something interesting

watch a funny taiwanovela entitled KO ONE.

it was not much. it's kinda silly actually.
but i liked it. might be shallow. but it made me laugh.

i think it was a long time since i heard myself laugh. i mean i laugh but those laughs are not because of simple happiness. just mere necessities when there is something funny. but today. i did laugh. because it's funny. because it's cute. because i'm happy.

kinda simple right? well i did learn something for the show. people try their hardest to be understand how complicated life, when they do not even know how simple it is. life can only be understood when a person knows who he is and what's his purpose for the people around them. just as simple as that.

funny right? but i guess it's true. so i'm happy.

i told my friend a few days ago that i feel fulfilled this summer. well for one, at last i understood the purpose of accounting. thanks to sir tommy i learned. it's just sad that i did not learn it last sem nor was sir our prof then. ow well.

but my greatest achievement is that i made myself happy, despite the fact i appear to be sad, depressed even, in front of other people. well i don't want them to see this side of me so..

anyway, the week ended and i guess i'm just happy then...

kinda amusing eh?:)